First Thing

Being a writer with anxiety means sometimes just staring at the screen,
trying to write, gives you anxiety.
It means feeling like you're unable to do the only thing you're actually capable of doing.
Like the swimmer is afraid of diving,
I mean, deep water.
I mean-drowning?
What I was trying to say is that
I'm still trying to figure out how what I love most
Could be in the middle of what I'm most scared of ...
But the show must go on, right?
Or wait...
That's in show business, isn't it.
But isn't writing show business?
Just people, show-ing our business? 
To everyone,
and anyone who will listen.
In hopes that maybe one of them too will be their own oxymoron.
and ironically,
they will smile.


     So I didn't intend to start this blog off with a poem, yet, here we are poem at the top of the page. I think it is important to address feelings in this whole blog. I really want this to be interactive and inclusive. We all too often are told how to reach our destination, but never really told what to do when we get there. I myself and trying to figure out my own way of going about it.

     Since I moved out, at eighteen, I was always worried about money. Being on top of things, and ahead with money was always my first concern. Finally getting a mental grip on finances, I am moving onto another focus, which brings me to this blog. I want to share with the world how I am discovering my path in hopes others will learn there's along with me.

     My new focus being how to be happy. Now I don't mean learning how to Be happy. I mean staying happy. I don't have to cope with as manch mental stressors. My anxiety and depression have been subsiding. I have spent half my life learning to cope, and now I don't need to cope? Like, what? lol. So here I am, mostly calm, or more often anyway. Now what?


     Well, for me I want to start with finding more quality relationships. Weeding out toxic ones I currently possess, and cultivating the promising ones. People are everywhere, people of every kind. You have to be the one to go out and find the ones you like. Kind of like grocery shopping, but for human companionship. Soo I have to learn what has the best quality, preferably organic produce.